“So what’s your fucking problem?” Britta Kiley Flagg said. “You look like someone pissed in your corn flakes.”
Micka sighed. “Maybe they did.”
“And you ate them?” Britta looked at her with far away eyes. “Doesn’t that seem odd to you?”
“No more odd than living with six million cats.”
Britta let out a laugh and one of the cats, Buster, pawed her knee for attention. “Touche. I suppose you’re right.” She took a cigarette out of a pack on the table and lit one. “But seriously, what’s your problem?”
“I don’t have one.”
“Sure you do.”
Micka sighed. “Well you know that I’m dating Guston Lackahacka right?”
“Yep, you told me so last week.”
“Well we have a problem.”
“What’s that?”
“Well, this is kind of embarrassing.”
Britta laughed. “I’m pretty sure nothing can embarrass me.”
“Gus doesn’t use his tongue when he kisses me.”
“Why is that embarrassing?”
“Because he also doesn’t use it when he goes down on me.”
Britta was silent while she digested this pieces of information. “Oh.” She said. “I see.”
“Told you it was embarrassing.”
“Not at all, that’s a natural part of sex.”
“But why won’t he do it?” She asked. “Why won’t he use his tongue?”
“Why don’t you ask him?”
“Do you think I should?”
“Well what could be the harm?”
* * *
When Micka Licka got home that evening, she found Guston watching television. She tried to think of a way to bring the subject up with him in a delecate way, but ended up just blurting it out.
“Hey hot stuff,” Gus said. “How was your day?”
“Why don’t you use your tongue when you go down on me?”
“What?”
“And kissing.” Micka said. “Why don’t you use your tongue when you kiss me?”
There was silence that stretched between them as Micka waited for his answer. When he did, a blush ran along his skin.
“It’s kind of embarrassing.” He said.
“I won’t laugh or anything.”
“It’s not that, well…it just hard to explain.”
“It can’t be that bad.” She said.
“Well, I don’t actually have a tongue.”
“What?”
“I don’t have a real tongue.”
“Then what’s that I see flapping around in your mouth?” She asked.
“Well, it’s prosthetic.”
“What?”
As Gus reached into his mouth, Micka Licka wondered if she had ever seen anything more bizarre. She didn’t think so. Gus stood there, holding his tongue, looking at her like a hound dog.
When she laughed, the hound dog expression deepened. “Is this it then? Are we through?”
Micka laughed. “No no, far from it.” She took his hand and led him towards the stairwell to the second floor.
“Where are we going?” He asked.
“The bedroom.” Micka said. “Detachable or not, I’m going to show you how to use that tongue of yours.”