Hasenpfeffer Finkelstein was having a very bad day.
She had endured most of another boring and horrible school day. Yhestin was particularly morose today and she didn’t care for it, not one bit. She just couldn’t stand it when a man didn’t use his balls and started bitching like a girl.
It made her want to vomit. Well, in point of fact, a lot made her want to vomit these days. Four such blobs of vomit were walking down the high school hallways, their blond hair sparkling like spun sugar, matching the sparkles on their faces.
Oh, how Hasenpfeffer hated them. Four bottle blond bitches that she wanted to kill personally. If she had the chance, she would not hire someone out to do it. The David Hasselhoff matter was one thing. But those girls?
How she absolutely loathed them.
They were the Grrl’s, self proclaimed bringers of the new high school trends, the newest in’s, information on the newest and hottest outs. They were the it grrls, the b grrls, the everything in between grrls and Hasenpfeffer wanted each and every one of them dead.
They stalked toward her, each one of them wearing sparkly dresses that shifted and moved as they walked. They probably thought they walked like models, Hasenpfeffer thought. They looked like zombies to her.
The Four girls were frightening in an oddly fashionable way. They walked the same, talked the same. It was almost like they shared only one brain between them; Hasenpfeffer reflected this was probably the case in more than one definition.
Khyle Kadance, Keekle Kindlefart, Kitty Korner and Kathy Kanyoudothekankan. Just thinking their names gave her the chills. She and Yhestin called them the Quartet of Doom. Though they were beautiful, there were wraiths beneath their skins.
Has often wondered why these grrls continued to be popular, why no one but her and her small circle of friends saw them for what they really were. Yhestin knew that these grrls were trouble, so at least he showed some sort of sense on occasion.
The four girls stood in front of her now. It was Khyle who spoke first: “So, like, um, hi Has. Like, how are you?”
Has tried to ignore the perky tone and the likes that the zombie had peppered her sentence with and reminded herself that murder, even of bottle blond bitch zombies, was still illegal. “I’m fine.” She said.
“That’s like so cool!” Keekle said. She snapped her gum and twirled a strand of hair around her fingers. “That’s like totally cool.”
“Totally.” Kitty said. “That’s like awesome or some junk, and stuff.”
“Tubular!” Kathy said. “That’s like totally tubular to the extreme!”
“To the max!” Keekle said.
“Like to the maximum of maximum!” Khyle said.
“Like what about maniac maximum?” Kitty said. “That could be our new hip word.”
“Oh my god, you guys!” Kathy said. “What if we shortened it to manmax?” She asked. “My brain gets too tired if I have to think of more than one word at a time.”
“Totally.” Khyle said.
Has sighed and reminded herself that to throw these girls into a pot of boiling oil, oil so hot it would burn the colour off their hair before it burned their skin, would be considered a very wrong thing to do. “Is there a point to all this inane chatter?” Has asked. “Because unlike you I have important things to do while the four of you strive constantly to remember to breathe.”
Has had expected her tirade to turn them ugly. Instead Keekle smiled at her and tilted her head. “You know, you’re so cute when you’re so serious.” She smiled and her eyelids flashed. They looked like hungry spiders, dry humping her face. “Grrls,” Has shuddered. She could hear the grammatical improperness of the word in the slut’s voice. “Isn’t Hooverhuffer just the cutest?”
Swallowing a bit of vomit, Has cleared her throat. “I assume that since you didn’t take the time to get to know my name that you want something?”
The sparkle dropped almost instantly. All four girls eyed Has with an almost malevolent stare. Kathy moved forward slightly. “We like you, Has.”
“What’s to like?” Has shot back. “I don’t have anything you want.”
“Who said we want anything?” Khyle said. “We just think you’re cool. Don’t we girls?”
The four girls nodded in unision and Has wondered if she would see talons spring from their fingertips. When they remained still, Has sighed. Not wraiths. “What the hell do you zombies want?” She asked.
Keekle stepped forward, her blue eyes sparkling with something that was close to hate, but Has didn’t think that was quite it. “We need your help with something.” The zombie doom girl whispered.
Has sighed. How could her day possibly get any worse?
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