Candy knew that it wasn’t a rational fear. She knew that. It didn’t make anything easier though, nor did it make her fear easier to deal with.
Some people were afraid of enclosed spaces, others afraid of mice or spiders or skeletons. She knew all about skeletons and carried a few with her in her closet. People were afraid of cars and subways and commitment. People were afraid of lots of things.
But Candy was afraid of being alone. Valhalla sighed at her over the rim of her coffee cup. “What did he do this time?” She asked.
They were sitting in Rosalee’s Café, down off of Main Street. The place was packed as per usual, but that didn’t bother her. What did bother Candy was her friends pitying look. “I don’t need your pity.” She said.
“No, what you need is some common sense, as you obviously don’t have any.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Yes you do. What did he do this time?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“You’re starting to sound like a broken record.” Valhalla said. “Broken records piss me off. Such a waste.”
“Nothing. He didn’t do anything.” Candywhip Perrywinkle sighed and took a sip of her coffee. “I think that’s part of the problem.”
“I don’t get you.”
Where to begin? Candy thought. “Well, like our last date. Kinkaid takes me out. To a party, he says. Well the party was for his sisters 50th birthday party.”
“But you’ve only been on like three or four dates.”
“I know.”
“Isn’t it serious to meet his family though?”
“You know, I don’t think he thinks like we do. I don’t think he has any concept of dating protocol.”
“You’re such a dweeb.” Valhalla said. “Dating involves the heart. The heart is irrational. Therefore, there can’t be protocol.”
“But haven’t you read the rules?”
“I live by my own rules.” Valhalla said. “Not some rules someone else thinks I should follow.”
“True.” Candy said. “Point taken.”
“So what happened?”
“He ignored me through out the whole thing, then we slept together and I didn’t hear from him for three days.”
“Ouch,” Val said. “Sounds like someone needs to learn some common courtesy.” She said. “He sounds like kind of a prick.”
“But I have fun when I’m with him.” Candy said.
“But how often do you sit around waiting for him to call you or text you?”
“Not a lot.” Candy said.
“But you do wait.” Valhalla said. “You just need to ignore him.”
“What?”
“Works for men right? You want a guys attention, just ignore him completely. But that’s not the problem here. The problem is, you deserve better.”
“But I don’t want a relationship.” Candy said, which was true. All she wanted was a bit of companionship.
“Doesn’t matter what you want.” Val said. “You’re worth more than a random text message and a romp in the hay. You’re worth more than that.”
“I wish I believed that.” Candy said softly.
Val reached out and took her hand across the table. “Anyone is worth more than that. But you especially. Wouldn’t you rather want someone who wants to be with you, rather than someone you have to chase?”
Candy nodded. “I just want to feel beautiful.”
Val squeezed her hand. “You are beautiful. But until you believe that, guys will just walk all over you. You have to empower yourself.”
“How do I do that?” Candy asked. “I’m not like you. I just don’t want to be alone.”
“But you’re more alone in this relationship than you are out of it.” Valhalla said. “You have to look out for you. No one else will.”
“I don’t know how.”
“I don’t believe that. Sure you do, you just need to practice. You can’t be defined by the men you are with. You have to define yourself.”
“How do I do that?”
“Easy. When was the last time you shook your junk on the dancefloor?” Val asked. “Tonight, you, me, lots of booze and, hopefully, some decent eye candy. You in?”
Despite her lack of confidence, Candy was ready for whatever life would throw at her. She was ready to take a chance on herself. “Yes.” She said. “Yes I am.”
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