He had always been somewhat of a lone wolf.
In the beginning, Owen had prided himself on that. He didn’t need anyone, didn’t want anyone, but everyone needed and wanted him. After his last disastrous relationship breakup, he had decided he didn’t need anyone but himself.
That all changed when he had met Justin. They hadn’t meant to fall in love, but after working together for a few months, the love between them grew to epic proportions. And it was really pissing him off.
Not having been in a relationship for quite some time, Owen was finding all these emotions bubbling beneath the surface of his skin to be annoying and bothersome. Emotions weren’t logical, they defied logic. Thus emotions and feelings bothered him.
They weren’t cut and dried, black and white. There were too many shades of white and pale and grey in between. Emotions weren’t logical and cold. They were instead filled with heat and fire and potential.
Owen had long ago stopped believing in his potential. Which is why he found Justin’s attraction to him baffling. After all, who could want a damaged, broken man? He often thought of himself as The Elephant Man.
He wondered if it was an apt description.
He pictured himself like The Elephant Man because, in a way, he was one. He was afraid of his shadow, afraid of the people around him. He went to work and went home. He didn’t socialize, didn’t meet new people.
But Justin was changing all that.
Justin was filling himself with hope, with a warmth and breadth of emotion that filled him from morning to night. Justin hated it. He loved Justin, loved him with all of his heart.
But he was so afraid of losing him. As they drove, following Berkus in his paramedics car, the cab was filled with silence. Justin broke it first. “I know you’re probably freaking out over last night.” Justin said.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Owen said.
“It was the first time we spent the night together.” Justin said. “I know that it bothered you, waking up to find me there.”
“That’s not really it.” Owen said.
“Then what is it?”
Owen took a moment before speaking, considering his words before he uttered them. “I want you too much.” He said. “I want you so much that it scares and terrifies me. I try to dial back the feelings, but I can’t.”
He paused.
“I haven’t felt that way about anyone in a long time, a very long time.” Owen looked away, out the passenger side window. “I haven’t felt anything for a long time.” He said.
Justin let out a little chuckle and put his right hand on Owen’s leg. “The problem is that you’ve forgotten how to have fun.” Justin said. “I’m going to bring you out dancing tonight.” He said.
“Dancing?” Owen experienced a moment of panic. “I look like I’m having a dry heave standing up when I dance.” Owen said. “No one needs to see that. It’ll give them nightmares.”
“Well you move pretty well in the bedroom.” Justin said. “How about we try some of those moves on the dance floor?”
Owen chuckled. “I think if I show people my Mr. Winky, that might count as public exposure.”
“I don’t mean literally do it on the dance floor, moron.” Justin said. “Why not just go out tonight and have a good time? Sex it up and get our drink on?”
Owen considered this. If his feelings terrified him, dancing terrified him even more. He didn’t know if he could do it.
He spared one quick look over at Justin and saw his strong jaw, his blond hair shining in the morning light that filtered in through the windows.
This man was worth everything, Owen thought. He loved him, he could never tell him this, but he loved him.
“Sure,” Owen said, his heart in his throat. “That sounds like fun.”
Owen wondered if it was still to early to vomit from nerves. What had he gotten himself into?
No comments:
Post a Comment